Follow Me On My Journey

I feel so anxious right now. I just called my boss and left him a voice mail saying that I would be needing to take a leave of absence from school for the rest of the year. I have this sense of guilt, but it's strange because of the tools I learned I am trying to manage these emotions, rather than let them get the best of me. I thought somehow that I would feel relieved and I may in a day or two. I think that everything that has happened over the past month is starting to sink in. This phone call was the thing that has allowed me to start the process of 'Radical Acceptance', and in an emotional way that hurts too! The positive is that I made the call in a timely manner, I did not procrastinate on it and have offered to tie up loose ends with my students, like saying good bye. I may not be allowed to do the latter but I offered while still putting me first in order to continue my process of recovery. So I will congratulate myself on this little achievement and let the guilt ...

There once was a little baby girl born with a sick heart. Little light blue fingers, lips and toes. She was cute and loved by almost all. Relatives either were drawn in by her big eyes, gentle manor and laugh or they were afraid of her in fear of "breaking her". With all the love and support anyone could wish for, life was extremely rough and trying. The best analogy she could make was that it resembled running on a track with hurdles, where each one is significantly higher than the one before. One time she tripped and stumbled over the hurdle. In her mind's eye it seemed to be the highest hurdle yet. This was a blow she did not know if she could recover from. All of her smarts and good sense of humor could not pull her out of the black whole that seemed to be sucking her down. It was like the tornado scene in The Wizard of Oz and it was literally sucking the life out of her. Turning he...

Ann Hampton Callaway an Amazing singer, songwriter!!! Tells her Face book friends to let them know when they are going to her show so she can give them preferred seating. I email saying I was going tonight at 9:00. Great she tells me, I reserved a preferred seat for you. The bill comes and my seat was compt . Complimentary on her. The Red Dress pin I brought for her hardly compares. I am in shock and awe!! More than that she read my article and asks if I'm going to write a book or how about a song. And offers to help me with that?? Well by now I'm having verbal diarrhea because I can't believe that this situation is Actually happening to me!! I mean, I keep singing how I need a little help and a miracle and OMG are you for real? I'm still pinching myself. Even if it goes there, the sentiment and the compt seat were the best things ever from a musician I admire so much!! xoxo - Pinching myself that this was not a dream. I hope everyone has such an exciti...

To quote my favorite show Wicked, "Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game, too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, it's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap!" Have my instincts for the past 31 years been that bad? Am I living in a ditch? No I'm doing what everyone thought I would not be able to do, hold a job and an apartment. I've beat the odds in the past, I'm not going to wuss out now! Now is the time to put on my "Wonder Woman" attire and kick butt! My life is in my hands and my destiny is my own! I can make it whatever I want from here on out. I was raised to know right from wrong and good from bad, and along the way I learned what was good for someone else might be bad for me and vicea versa, no shame in that. I'm going to fight to get all of my will back and work hard to be a happier more self-fulfilled less stresse...

I'm so unmotivated and have so much, I mean so very much to do. I don't mean only in the short term, I mean in my life. There are so many things that I have to do in my life. I have to record an album or two, I want so much to become famous and be on TV . I need to find what I truly love to do. I am so exhausted and miserable from grad school. I need to be done. Basically I feel like I need a miracle and a new start in life. To do all that I have to and all that I want to. even the daily basics are falling to the wayside. All I did today was sleep. I know my body must need it but for real? I just feel that I am suited to do so much more than I do in my day to day life. I have so much love to give and so much insight to share that I need to find the proper avenue for that. I also feel better without my meds some days. They make me feel funny andf add to my current symptoms of dizzyness, rapid heart beat. I'm trying to get excited for my birthday but since my life is NOTHING...

Sorry, I have not been feeling that inspirational lately, and therefore have not written. I don't know where my spark for inspiring has gone but at the moment I can't seem to find and I'm too tired to look for it. While I did no homework today after a long and disappointing day today. I did manage to make my first pot of real chicken noodle soup. So small victoriers. Early to be bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise! :\

It is so funny, how animals can change our outlook on life. You can be in a bad mood over the troubles of the world. You could feel the weight of your own world crashing down. or you could be on top of the world. Thinking things can't be better. Then you find your new cat curled up with the wireless computer mouse that you've been looking for. Suddenly everything around you disappears as you are melted by the sheer cuteness of the situation!