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What I Came Home To

I just came home from my Empowerment Workshop tonight to find the sweetest and cutest picture if a 3 or 4 year old smiling Andrew. It was in one of those wallet protectors that parents and grandparents used to have before cell phones, I phones, digital cameras...etc. It was my father's and it had been in his shelf in the closet for years. As I continued to look through the pack, I found pictures of all of us. All of us as babies and a few of Andrew and me together from Kinder Photo. The last picture in the pack was my parents wedding photo in the beautiful black and white format. I adore the simplicity of black and white photos. The first picture and the whole pack, caught my breath and took it away for a minute, but I did not crumble into a pile of tears. But why does this always have to be on a Thursday. I was reminded that this beautiful soul was taken away and is taking care of all of us now just as we tried to do for him.

Death is so weird, it feels like the person is away and that you haven't talked to them in a while, but then you remember oh, I'll never have a never hug, kiss,fight, or talk about cats and candy bars. Even as I write this sentence I just saw a cat eye poke through my door and when I went to open the door and checked the hall and none of our cats were there. Spooky Dooky. Either that or the cat ran down the stairs faster than I could get to the door and check.

I just felt really sad and comforted by these early pictures of us at the same time. I was proud that I did not lose it, but I realize that from time to time I'm going to be stricken with overwhelming sadness.

This cute little book made me smile and proud of our family and our past, the 5 of us will always be a family. I said my eulogy Andrew will never walk alone. I sing this song "You'll Never Walk Alone" often and it's my message to Andrew and to all of us. Remember none of us are alone, no matter how bad we may feel.

All of this from a wallet book worth of baby pictures. Makes you think!! What will the children of the future feel about their childhood that's all over the internet and often not sacred any more. Some things are just better in a wallet and not out there for everyone to see. Some things such as wallet photos are sacred and scarce. Pity.

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