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I Am Not Afraid!

I wrote recently that I am afraid all the time. I am afraid of when I will get sick again! I have been afraid that my dreams of singing, writing, and public speaking will not come true. These are all stupid things to fear. Why do I say that? I cannot control when and if I will get sick again. I have been through almost everything at this point that I am stronger than I was before this last bout. Why worry about what I cannot control? That is a lot of wasted time and energy, leading to sadness and exhaustion.


Secondly, I am the only one who can control my dreams coming true. I can ask for help and input; however, no one can do the research, writing, speaking and singing for me. All of these give me such joy and a positive way to help others and myself. When thinking about the big picture, these are overwhelming tasks, with all the talent out there. However, who is to say that someone will not find talent in me? I can pursue these ambitions while pursuing my career. They light me up inside and bring me more confidence the more I do them. I have never been shy to tell about why I have tons of battle wounds. I may have not wanted to show my scars for years especially in bathing suits. What woman is not a bit self-conscience in a bathing suit and putting things out there? As I grew up, I have become more and more proud of them and do not cover them up, as much as I use to.


I have nothing to be ashamed of; I dress well for my body, whatever shape it is. My aswesome family and true friends support me. During this last bout, I have learned who those relatives and friends are. I am lucky that there are too many to name in a blog. Nevertheless, this is certainly not a reason to stay up at night. “They say if you have five close friends you are lucky”. My answer to the infamous “They” I am actually blessed, because I have more than five true friends I can count on and the same goes for family members. They know I would be there in a blink of an eye and these people are there for me just the same. If they are not willing to be there to support, me then I have had to revaluate who those people are in my life.


So I will kick 2011 to the curb and start the New Year with less fear and more concentration to my school, career and turning my dreams into reality one step at a time. Just like recovering from anything else, this is also all about baby steps, and taking it one day at a time!




<3

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