So what is all of this for? We work so hard to be happy even if we are not. We put on appearances and rarely show our true selves for fear of what others might think. Today I put in quite a workout, so I can feel better about myself and people will think I'm attractive. Seriously it's only like 6 pounds I gained from the change in meds. But when the old jeans don't fit, you start to travel down that path of why do I always watch what I eat when an outside factor makes it a mute point in the first place? I'm just venting because I thought in light of my latest heartache I would have heard from and been supported by more of my friends. Every time I get sick I learn More and more whom I can really count on. And that leaves almost no one, and in the end who gives a shit, Doctors "help us" but at some point and in some fashion we are all going to die anyway. So not to be depressing or cynical but to be a realist, I ask again "So What is the Point"?
This year was a hard one for my family. This year was not as hard as last year was, however, hard and emotional in different ways. I feel as if this year, I am the one who fought for my life. No one died. I did not have to eulogize anyone, Thank G-d! However, as stated in the title, I have been sick for almost a full year. It started in February, with a weight loss, but I eat healthy so I thought nothing of it. A month later in March, my belly started to fill up like never before. I began to look pregnant. I had migraines daily, and my belly got so big that my belly button inverted. I am not able or advised to have a baby so this was extra hard! Because I'm strong, and perform, I made up a clever story about my 'pseudo baby' as it was easier than telling people I was in heart failure and the doctors were fighting over whether it was my liver or my heart. This went on for 6 months. I had multiple belly taps, and the fluid, called ascites, would come back literally within...
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