So what is all of this for? We work so hard to be happy even if we are not. We put on appearances and rarely show our true selves for fear of what others might think. Today I put in quite a workout, so I can feel better about myself and people will think I'm attractive. Seriously it's only like 6 pounds I gained from the change in meds. But when the old jeans don't fit, you start to travel down that path of why do I always watch what I eat when an outside factor makes it a mute point in the first place? I'm just venting because I thought in light of my latest heartache I would have heard from and been supported by more of my friends. Every time I get sick I learn More and more whom I can really count on. And that leaves almost no one, and in the end who gives a shit, Doctors "help us" but at some point and in some fashion we are all going to die anyway. So not to be depressing or cynical but to be a realist, I ask again "So What is the Point"?
There are these thoughts and innate feelings. I have as a person with a CHD (congenital heart defect). I am learning that a lot of other CHD'ers as we are called or now Adult CHD'ers feel the same way. I have primarily heard this from woman. Nevertheless, the men too often wonder when the other shoe will drop. I for one go about my life as fully as I can. However, when the lights go out, that is when the worry starts to happen, and I can almost predict, how and when the other shoe will drop. I have predicted it accurately a few times, which is what makes this last bout so difficult. I knew something was wrong with my heart and my body, but did not know what. I spent months in fear, and trying to go about my life was difficult, to say the least. (That however is for another post). It is the fact that all CHD patients have this ability to know when the good is good. When the bad will get worse, and when the good is temporary. Part of that comes from our physicians, but a la...
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