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STRENGTH!!

According to Dictionary.com Strength is defined as:
–Noun
1.the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; vigor.
2.mental power, force, or vigor.
3.moral power, firmness, or courage.
4.vigor of action, language, feeling, etc.


The list goes on and on! Some of the —Synonyms power, force, might.

I agree with the definition vigor of action, language, feeling, etc. It is the strength in all of us whether you refer to it as power, force, might, courage, moral or mental power that gets us through the rough times in life. The hardest strength to find is emotional strength. We can all go to the gym and lift weights and increase the resistance level over time. However, we are not all strong enough to face 5 open heart surgeries and live to tell about it, like it's a natural occurrence that happens to everyone. It doesn't and sometimes the harsh reality of that stings so hard in the face that we can barely breath. We live with a little extra caution and worry in our lives than other people. That extra caution and worry day in and day out comes from our strength. It means we are able to look at the unknown in the face. We as heart patients or any patient with a chronic disease learn to do this early on, often before we understand the root of the problem, and before we can put the words and writing to it.

Today I celebrate my forth anniversary of my last Fontan, I call it my "FontAnniversary" lol!! Not only was it my 5th open heart surgery, but it was the biggest by far. Inches of my heart that were sick and not working were cut out and replaced with the wonders of modern technology.


Today when I woke up thinking about this, I had the realization that I'm living in my parent's house where I was 4 years ago! And just as I was then I am recovering from the strains of life. I was in an awful mood, knowing I should be greatful, but I was not. I was angry because my body looks like it did 4 years ago and my weight is the same as it was then. All of these are minor things because I have been exercising and my heart is doing great!! However I was bummed. Depression can do this to you, and seeing my body in this form on the anniversary brough up bad memories and feelings. It is how you handle these feelings that show how strong you truly are!

A friend told me to treat myself well today and I did. I wanted a little charm bracelet. I wanted the one that said 'Believe'. Because if you believe every day is a gift than it is. Well I met the shop owner and her name was also Ellen :) She had the color stone I had wanted but not 'Believe'. She did however have a little charm that said 'Strength'. We talked for a few moments about why I was in the store today, and she felt my story, she told me that 5 dollars of the proceeds from the charms or charm bracelets that she sells go to support Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I agree with that mission 100% and felt that the word Strength was perfect for the day and for the charity.

A few months ago I was having a very hard time with depression and stress, and I felt weak and that I could not go on. It was my strength that made me speak up and get help. Even my post prior to this one is negative. Life is hard but we have to remember why we are here and how we can be of use. For me it is to inform people about Congenital Heart Defects, and find songs that I feel best demonstrate the emotions that I go through on a day to day basis, as a Survivor but also as a Woman who has some enormous Strength.

I do need some guidance on how to inform the general public, but I will keep my ties open to the American Heart Association and to the Adult Congenital Heart Association. I hope one day that my writing can make it's way into an inspirational book. I feel stronger today than I did 3 months ago, and I feel stronger tonight than I did this morning! Sometimes our strength gets tired and needs a break but if we let it, it will come back more 'powerful' than before. :)

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