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Showing posts from May, 2010

Singer! :)

I went to the GLEE Concert tonight! And I am forever a singer through and through!! I will elaborate more in the morning after my workout. But singing is the absolute core of my being. It's who I am and what I live for. I feel that it's a positive way to express my feelings, even the unhappy, scary ones.

Remembering progress

I am going to the cardiologist tomorrow morning and I'm really hoping I like what he has to say! Nevertheless, I am remembering the progress and the lesson from last week. Strength! I will certainly be wearing my bracelet :) I just hope there is a simple reason why my belly has been so round lately, especially since I've been exercising daily for two weeks. My weight has fluctuated a few pounds but the roundness has stayed the same. Any cardiac patient knows this can be a bad thing. I will have my I Tunes with me this time and listen to my two all time favorite singers Ann Hampton Callaway and Liz Callaway. Music is one of the greatest soothing modalities out there. And for the most part I have been fortunate to be allowed to have it with me. Even if the performers never know how meaningful their music is in the tense moments of waiting rooms. Music still fills me with a sense of Hope and joy.

STRENGTH!!

According to Dictionary.com Strength is defined as:
–Noun
1.the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; vigor.
2.mental power, force, or vigor.
3.moral power, firmness, or courage.
4.vigor of action, language, feeling, etc.


The list goes on and on! Some of the —Synonyms power, force, might.

I agree with the definition vigor of action, language, feeling, etc. It is the strength in all of us whether you refer to it as power, force, might, courage, moral or mental power that gets us through the rough times in life. The hardest strength to find is emotional strength. We can all go to the gym and lift weights and increase the resistance level over time. However, we are not all strong enough to face 5 open heart surgeries and live to tell about it, like it's a natural occurrence that happens to everyone. It doesn't and sometimes the harsh reality of that stings so hard in the face that we can barely breath. We live with a little extra caution and worry in our lives…

So What!

So what is all of this for? We work so hard to be happy even if we are not. We put on appearances and rarely show our true selves for fear of what others might think. Today I put in quite a workout, so I can feel better about myself and people will think I'm attractive. Seriously it's only like 6 pounds I gained from the change in meds. But when the old jeans don't fit, you start to travel down that path of why do I always watch what I eat when an outside factor makes it a mute point in the first place? I'm just venting because I thought in light of my latest heartache I would have heard from and been supported by more of my friends. Every time I get sick I learn More and more whom I can really count on. And that leaves almost no one, and in the end who gives a shit, Doctors "help us" but at some point and in some fashion we are all going to die anyway. So not to be depressing or cynical but to be a realist, I ask again "So What is the Point"?