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Showing posts from August, 2010

Good Advice

I learned a valuable lesson tonight, and I was needing advice so I was very receptive to it. A good friend told me one to not blame myself for everything, and to not be so hard on myself. This is advice everyone tells me, but something about tonights conversation made it ring true. There are only so many things I can control and that's my feelings and emotions not those of others. You never know what might be behind the next corner. It's better to let go of your pain, pity, anger frustration and let it go, but to not direct it toward others. This has certainly been a trying time for me and my family. I was hoping things would be the same as before, before 7 years in Queens that is. I guess it can't we all change and make new friends and we try to incorporate the people of our lives where they fit appropriately. I've been feeling very lonesome from my move home. We did not expect Andrew to die one week later. This is a tragedy we are just starting to feel the …

Can Anyone Tell Me How?

Can anyone tell me how to deal with the loss of my brother? Can anyone tell me how life is supposed to go on from here? Can anyone tell me how to handle all the reminders that there are of him or how to not cry when I see something mundane that reminds me of a time we shared? If anyone can tell me how to deal for real not day by day, then let me know because he left us to go onto a better place, and the one we're left in is all ugly and black to me. Can anyone tell me how not to break like a shard of glass again or to say goodbye to his kitty cats on Sunday? Tell me please, cause thinking about all of this takes my breath away! I'm glad his cats are going to family and that they will be together but, they are here and warming up to us and saying goodbye will hurt more than it should. So tell me how to handle that? I'm trying to keep it all togehter but don't know for how long I can do that! I'm strong but seriously, there comes a time and a place.
So tell me ho…

My Eulogy To Andrew:

I will love you now and forever! You are always my older brother, my first playmate and can't Ever, ever be replaced and I will never forget you. To this day I'd give my eye teeth for you! You are never and will never be alone. "You'll Never Walk Alone" never!! ;) I love you more than I can say and can't even breathe right now knowing something was so wrong and I did not to more to help!!

I only wanted to be your friend and someone you could count on. I worked so hard after I woke up from surgery and you told me, “I just kicked some ass!” I Never fought so hard in my life to come back from a procedure just to show you how one can persevere and overcome life’s obstacles. I wanted you to learn from me how precious each day was and to never take anyone or anything for granted and while we may have fought or been angry at others to not hold a grudge because they just weigh you down. I know you were frustrated with me a lot of the time, we could all hear it in …