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Showing posts from September, 2010

8 Weeks Later

One of my goals for the week was for me to journal at least once. I'm going to start an addition to my blog labels, it will be called "So Andrew..." This is the first one. So Andrew, you passed 8 weeks ago today. When I think about the where I was this moment and 10:09, and I was crying right after I screamed on the kitchen floor. I kept saying, "It's time to wake up now, it's time to wake up". Well I have finally started to sleep through the night and when I see you in my dreams I get so excited because it feels so real. The other night I made sure it was you by touching you, and when I woke up my hand was squeezing Rocket. I could not breathe again. Every time I think about why you are not here I wish we could go back in time, and I could take care of you and help. I know you would not have let me or any of us help. But still, if I could take back the fight. I want you to know so much!

It's 8 weeks later, and I still cry at the drop of a h…

Long Time No Write

I've wanted to write for so long but have had so many emotions all at once that I did not know how to form a sentence. I have so much to say but have been scared to put those words out there, because then it makes them real. For instance there's a lot of things I'll never do and I'll never be. But that's looking at things negatively and black and white. The world is full of color and I need to color it more. The first thing that has been bothering me and making me feel small about myself. Ok smaller. ha ha. One thing that I can't do is read a book at the same speed as my mom or discuss it with our cousins and be on a book club. However I can read and I can set my own pace. Right now my mood is preventing me from having concentration for reading at all, but I know as time passes and life moves forward this will get better and I will read at my pace again.

As I look for a job, I am learning what I'm good at, however the job I want may not be attainabl…