Skip to main content

Can Anyone Tell Me How?

Can anyone tell me how to deal with the loss of my brother? Can anyone tell me how life is supposed to go on from here? Can anyone tell me how to handle all the reminders that there are of him or how to not cry when I see something mundane that reminds me of a time we shared? If anyone can tell me how to deal for real not day by day, then let me know because he left us to go onto a better place, and the one we're left in is all ugly and black to me. Can anyone tell me how not to break like a shard of glass again or to say goodbye to his kitty cats on Sunday? Tell me please, cause thinking about all of this takes my breath away! I'm glad his cats are going to family and that they will be together but, they are here and warming up to us and saying goodbye will hurt more than it should. So tell me how to handle that? I'm trying to keep it all togehter but don't know for how long I can do that! I'm strong but seriously, there comes a time and a place.
So tell me how!!!!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

An Open Birthday Card to My Big Brother

                                                                                                                                   Nov. 19, 2017 Dear Andrew, This year I decided to write you a birthday card.  My boyfriend Ian, whom I've been with over a year and who I think you would like asked, "So do you guys give Andrew birthday cards?" My response was "No, we just don't." Ian then asked "Do you have a cake for him, because I want to honor him how you guys do. Would it be OK if I bought an ice cream for him to have at your mom's house after dinner on Sunday." (Yes, it's Sunday, November 19, 2017.)  See I told you, you would like him.  He's all about wanting to have ice cream cake. Oh, wait that's why does David likes him.  But enough about the ice cream cake that we are not having, or the cards, gifts,  and candles that we no longer do on your birthday.  Instead we go to Rick's and reminisce about the time we were lucky t

What It Really Feels Like

What does it really feel like to have a CHD? Well not great all the time. There's constant let down in life as doctors figure out how to treat us adults. There is a lot of trial and error medically based which is why I say I'm in 'Generation Guinea Pig'! My first memory was my mom changing my younger brother's diaper and telling me that when we got back home from vacation I was going for a cardiac cath. So I'm 4 1/2 years old. I don't recall crying which I was told I did but I already knew what a cath was it wasn't new to me. Neither was my addiction to Annie the Musical, my mothers voice or my desire to sing like them be on stage and be a mommy when I grew up. I wanted to sing and be a mom as a grown up and of course I'd have a cute husband. When mom, David and I walked to the beach my father was there with Andrew who was just told about my going to the hospital too. In those days we were pals and he found me a sea shell- my favorite.  31 years l

How Sick I Was For Almost a Year

This year was a hard one for my family. This year was not as hard as last year was, however, hard and emotional in different ways. I feel as if this year, I am the one who fought for my life. No one died. I did not have to eulogize anyone, Thank G-d! However, as stated in the title, I have been sick for almost a full year. It started in February, with a weight loss, but I eat healthy so I thought nothing of it. A month later in March, my belly started to fill up like never before. I began to look pregnant. I had migraines daily, and my belly got so big that my belly button inverted. I am not able or advised to have a baby so this was extra hard! Because I'm strong, and perform, I made up a clever story about my 'pseudo baby' as it was easier than telling people I was in heart failure and the doctors were fighting over whether it was my liver or my heart. This went on for 6 months. I had multiple belly taps, and the fluid, called ascites, would come back literally within