Skip to main content

I Am Not Afraid!

I wrote recently that I am afraid all the time. I am afraid of when I will get sick again! I have been afraid that my dreams of singing, writing, and public speaking will not come true. These are all stupid things to fear. Why do I say that? I cannot control when and if I will get sick again. I have been through almost everything at this point that I am stronger than I was before this last bout. Why worry about what I cannot control? That is a lot of wasted time and energy, leading to sadness and exhaustion.


Secondly, I am the only one who can control my dreams coming true. I can ask for help and input; however, no one can do the research, writing, speaking and singing for me. All of these give me such joy and a positive way to help others and myself. When thinking about the big picture, these are overwhelming tasks, with all the talent out there. However, who is to say that someone will not find talent in me? I can pursue these ambitions while pursuing my career. They light me up inside and bring me more confidence the more I do them. I have never been shy to tell about why I have tons of battle wounds. I may have not wanted to show my scars for years especially in bathing suits. What woman is not a bit self-conscience in a bathing suit and putting things out there? As I grew up, I have become more and more proud of them and do not cover them up, as much as I use to.


I have nothing to be ashamed of; I dress well for my body, whatever shape it is. My aswesome family and true friends support me. During this last bout, I have learned who those relatives and friends are. I am lucky that there are too many to name in a blog. Nevertheless, this is certainly not a reason to stay up at night. “They say if you have five close friends you are lucky”. My answer to the infamous “They” I am actually blessed, because I have more than five true friends I can count on and the same goes for family members. They know I would be there in a blink of an eye and these people are there for me just the same. If they are not willing to be there to support, me then I have had to revaluate who those people are in my life.


So I will kick 2011 to the curb and start the New Year with less fear and more concentration to my school, career and turning my dreams into reality one step at a time. Just like recovering from anything else, this is also all about baby steps, and taking it one day at a time!




<3

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

An Open Birthday Card to My Big Brother

                                                                                                                                   Nov. 19, 2017 Dear Andrew, This year I decided to write you a birthday card.  My boyfriend Ian, whom I've been with over a year and who I think you would like asked, "So do you guys give Andrew birthday cards?" My response was "No, we just don't." Ian then asked "Do you have a cake for him, because I want to honor him how you guys do. Would it be OK if I bought an ice cream for him to have at your mom's house after dinner on Sunday." (Yes, it's Sunday, November 19, 2017.)  See I told you, you would like him.  He's all about wanting to have ice cream cake. Oh, wait that's why does David likes him.  But enough about the ice cream cake that we are not having, or the cards, gifts,  and candles that we no longer do on your birthday.  Instead we go to Rick's and reminisce about the time we were lucky t

A YEAR WITHOUT MUSIC!

A YEAR WITHOUT MUSIC! This memory could not be more timely. April 5,2016 i had a major stroke. This Wednesday will be one year since my stroke. For the first 2 months all I could say to people was "I had a stroke" which sounded like stwoke . Music had not even occurred to me as I had many complications that were not directly associated with my stroke. But why am I sharing all of this information with you, is because the part of my brain that was affected or is it effected? Was language. I planned to sit down today at my computer which us still hard for me to do texting us easier with my right hand weakness. Oh I forgot to mention that I was temporary paralyzed on on right side for 24-48 hours. But "I had a stroke". I would have to l this year as a year without music. Couldn't recall what I'd forgotten and then sobbed when I remembered what I forgot without remembering the music, show, favorite singers... you name, I was like a blank slate. (Sir

What It Really Feels Like

What does it really feel like to have a CHD? Well not great all the time. There's constant let down in life as doctors figure out how to treat us adults. There is a lot of trial and error medically based which is why I say I'm in 'Generation Guinea Pig'! My first memory was my mom changing my younger brother's diaper and telling me that when we got back home from vacation I was going for a cardiac cath. So I'm 4 1/2 years old. I don't recall crying which I was told I did but I already knew what a cath was it wasn't new to me. Neither was my addiction to Annie the Musical, my mothers voice or my desire to sing like them be on stage and be a mommy when I grew up. I wanted to sing and be a mom as a grown up and of course I'd have a cute husband. When mom, David and I walked to the beach my father was there with Andrew who was just told about my going to the hospital too. In those days we were pals and he found me a sea shell- my favorite.  31 years l